Info for Family Members

An adoption decision can impact the whole family. Catholic Charities respects the individual decision of the expectant parent, and welcomes family members to be a part of the process if desired.

Here are some helpful suggestions if your child is considering adoption:

Don’t force your desires on your child, disregarding their feelings about whether to parent or place the baby. Regardless of their age, it is a decision your child will live with for a lifetime. Making the decision for your child can result in great bitterness toward you if your child is told what to do and is not allowed to participate in the decision-making about the baby. Help guide your child in a decision-making process and get outside professional help from a counselor who has expertise working with unplanned pregnancies. The counselor can assist your child in explaining all of the options. It will be very difficult for you to maintain objectivity because of your emotional involvement.
Explore the options fully and carefully with your child. You may be approached by friends or relatives who want to adopt the baby. Evaluate the risks involved in each method of adoption. Secure help from a licensed agency. Explore the support system available if your daughter or son keeps the baby. You may be approached by friends and relatives who think you ought to parent the baby and can’t imagine how you could place your grandchild for adoption. Resolve to be strong. Until placed in the situation, your relatives and friends really do not know what they would do.
Don’t be afraid to take a stand. You have a right and a responsibility to give parental guidance to your child in their decision-making process.
Provide non-shaming guidance and advocate for the best interest of your child and unborn grandchild. Some parents are afraid of “influencing their child’s decision” and avoid giving their honest opinions.
Be open, honest, and direct with your child. Open, direct communication, though difficult, is a key element in working through the family crisis of an unplanned pregnancy and making a good plan for the child. Remember there’s a difference between gentle, but firm, guidance and force.
Give emotional and spiritual support to your child. Your child needs your love and concern regardless of the circumstances. Resolve to stand by your child and get your child help.
Don’t isolate your child. Your child needs to be surrounded with caring, supportive persons who will give encouragement in making difficult decisions. Find supportive counseling help.
Keep the lines of communication open. Discuss the feelings of your child and your own. Respect your child’s right to express feelings of care and concern for the baby. Be nonjudgmental and compassionate.
Understand that you may experience feelings of guilt and failure as a parent which can influence your thinking. The majority of children say that their parents could not have prevented the pregnancy.
Know that this baby is your grandchild, even though this is an unplanned pregnancy. The baby is deserving of love and concern.
Support your child’s decision once it is made. If it doesn’t seem to be well thought out, gently challenge and encourage. Ask about the decision-making process. Encourage professional help. Once a well thought out decision is reached, be supportive.
Find support from your friends, relatives, and church. Seek out professional help to deal with your thoughts and feelings.

We care about you and will be sensitive, caring and welcoming, regardless of your circumstances. We serve people of all faiths and we have Pregnancy, Parenting and Adoption Social Workers in Winona, Rochester, Mankato and Worthington to assist you during your pregnancy. We also travel everywhere in between!

You can reach us 24/7 at 507-287-7807, or you can send us an email.